“Controlling you is getting easier and easier every day” it whispers in my mind. I fight back with everything in me. I tell it to go away, leave me alone. But i cant fear anything any longer, the more i fear the more controlling it gets. It wakes me up at night making me sweat like crazy, and wake up not knowing whats going on. I wish i could get help in some way that i know it wouldnt hurt me, but i know thats impossible. This has been going on for as long as i remember, and as long as i remember and it still goes on, it’ll keep slowly trying to get inside me.~

May.

My dreams are making me turn into what i’ve been avoiding. my demons are turning me into one of them. no one would ever understand how hard it is to control that. I wonder if anyone has noticed how bitchy ive gotten or how i just stare into nothing for minutes without realizing i wasn’t paying attention. i start doing or talking about something just out of random because i cant control it. i want to just stab everyone and my demons make me say things about people i dont wanna say. Today i said shit about katerina but i didnt actually want to say them. I would never say anything like that. but my demons make me say them. i’ve never been so scared in my life. and i just pull it off like im happy. fuck what ive done to myself.

the past is the past. the past makes me prepared for the future.

people make me sick. everyone is the same. even myself, noone is ever innocent and ever perfect. even when you think you dont do anything wrong in the end you’re the slut,whore,bitch,cunt to someone else.